I Caught Fire in Your Eyes
by electricquill
Summary: This story takes place towards the end of Mockingjay before the epilogue. Peeta has just returned to District 12 and he and Katniss are working to rebuild both their village and their relationship. Rated M for eventual sexual content -starting ch.6 for those of you just here for the smut :P . This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic so please review
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One.

I awake to the sound of my own screams crashing through the silence of dawn. As I shake away my nightmare my laboured breathing echoes around the empty room. The first beams filter in through the shutters and cast shadows into every corner. In the semi darkness of the early morning the monsters of my nightmare still surround me, a mutated dog with murderous human eyes lurks to my left, a group of monkey mutts lay beneath my bed taunting me with the names and voices of my beloved dead.

I curl myself into a ball and wait for the cold light of morning to exorcise the demons from my room, from my mind. A tear rolls down my cheek and a single word escapes my mouth into the deafening silence. "Peeta". It starts as a pleading whisper and builds up to a deafening scream encompassing all of my terror, anguish and heartache. I wait, but nothing but the morning comes.

The sun is high in the sky before I am able to tear myself from the safety of my bed. When I go downstairs I find a breakfast of warm bread rolls, cheese and an oaty porridge waiting for me. I don't know if Peeta delivers the bread to my door every morning or if Greasy Sae gets it for me, all I know is that every morning since Peeta has returned to District 12 there has been warm bread on my table. All I know is that every morning it is as much the smell of bread as it is the morning light that finally banishes the nightmares from my mind.

It has been two weeks since Peeta has arrived back in District 12, the day I heard of his return was the first day I let Greasy Sae drag me from my bed and scrub the scent of despair from my skin. Although I have regained the strength to rise and bathe myself I have still not left the confines of my victors mansion, although the sound of birdsong in the forest and the smell of bread wafting from next door temps me every day.

After I eat breakfast I start my daily wait, I turn Prim's rocking chair to face the door and pull my fathers hunting jacket close around me. For the past fourteen consecutive days this is how I have spent my waking hours, watching the door and hoping Peeta to enter and fill my home and my heart with the life it so sorely needs. The sun in the sky reads four o clock when my door rattles open and my heart stops.

"Hello Sweetheart" Haymitch says as he stoops into the darkness of my living room. We sit for a while and idly chit chat, he tells me about the renovation projects going on in the village and news from the new government. As I listen half heartedly my eyes never leave the door. Finally after about an hour Haymitch grows tired of my one word answers and gets up to leave. Just as he reaches the door, and my line of sight, he stops and turns to me. "You know" he says with a sigh "after all that you have put him through, you really should not be the one waiting" and with a sad smile and a "see you later Sweetheart" he leaves.

I blink into the twilight of his words, and suddenly my whole world falls into place. I get up and sprint through out of the house and into the dusk.

The weeks in bed and my various injuries have taken a serious toll on my physical fitness and I am out of breath by the time I reach Peeta's door. As I stand in his doorway all my courage leaves me and I can barely lift my hand to the knocker. I knock timidly once and wait. It seems like a lifetime before the door slowly creeps open.

"Peeta" I exclaim in a whisper. He stands before me, his posture is slightly lopsided from leaning on his good leg. There are pale flecks of flour dusted on his hands, in his hair and accross his face. His blue eyes are lined with fatigue as they look at me with surprise and a tinge of fear. I ignore the trepidition in his eyes and lunge myself at him, grabbing him at the waist and holding on for dear life. I breath in the smell of bread and baske in his heat of his body. I stay like this for a few moments before I feel his posture relax as he moves his arms to encompass me. We embrace this way, unspeaking in the doorway until the bitter nip of night forces us to move inside.

Wordlessly I follow him into his living room. Unlike my identicle house Peeta's home is full of warmth and life, there are colourful paintings on every wall and plates of delicious buns on almost every surface. Peeta catches me gazing at all of his handywork and mumbles his first words to me in months "I like to keep busy" he says "it helps". These few words rack me with guilt and I realise how selfish I have been. I have been waiting for him to rescue me, to be my hero and chase my demons away, without ever thinking of his. We stand silently for a few moments, and on closer inspection I can see Peeta's despair in all of his creations. The flowers in the painting overhanging the fireplace are the ones I used to shroud Rue in our first Hunger Games. The iced buns on the table were his fathers favourite treat, and the smiling baby in the portrait above the stairs is Finnick and Alice's son, who will grow up never knowing his father.

A lump catches in my throat and I whisper "I'm sorry Peeta, I'm so sorry". With this he turns to me and the anxious look in his eyes softens. I open my mouth to speak again but Peeta places a finger on my lips. "I don't want to talk" he says as he sits me down on the sofa and pulls me into his arms, I look up into his weary eyes and attempt to speak again but once more find his finger on my lips "I just want to sleep Katniss, I just want to sleep". I nod in reply afraid to move incase he removes himself from our embrace. We sit in silence, unmoving, his head leans back against the top of his couch, his eyes are closed but he is still awake. I pull myself closer to him and listen to the rythm of his breathing until finally he falls asleep, and surrounded by his warmth and the smell of warm bread I follow him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

In Peeta's arms I manage to sleep straight through until morning, no shadowy deamons lurk for me in the corner of his living room. My muscles are cramped from our awkward sleeping position but I do not dare move, I do not dare interrupt his sleep, I know how precious a thing it is.

Suddenly Peeta's body tenses underneath me and his eyes shoot open. His breathing stops and he starts shaking. "Peeta" I whisper but he still does not breathe. "Peeta!" I begin to shout. Panic rushes over me and I don't know what to do, if Prim was here she would know what to do, should I try to snap him out of it? Should I perform mouth to mouth to give him his breath back? Suddenly I have an idea. I climb onto Peeta's lap and encompass him in my arms, I press my whole body into his in an attempt to stop his shaking. This is what I used to do to calm Johanna during her violent withdrawl fits back in Distric 13.

The pressure of my body on his quells his tremors and I silently stroke his hair until his breathing returns. I can feel a tear drop from his face which is resting in the crook of my neck. "It's ok Peeta" I whisper soothingly "I'm here now, it's ok".

We sit like this, with me cradling Peeta in my arms, until he fully regains his composure. After a while he gently pushes me from him. I move, and stretch my cramped limbs. When I look back at Peeta he avoids my gaze, he looks embarassed. "Oh Peeta" I say, taking his hand in mine "it's ok, I...I still get them too". He looks back up at me and I see the hint of a smile on his lips, he knows he is not alone.

We spend the rest of the day tentatively filling eachother in on our lives since our return to District 12. I learn that Peeta has been obsessively filling his time with his baking and painting, and that, like me, he barely sleeps. I have very little to say as my days have been so inactive. He seems surprised when he learns that I had not left my house before last night. He takes my hands in his and a smile plays across his lips "come with me" he says and leads me in to the hallway. When I see him open the front door I stop in in my tracks "no Peeta, I can't" I whisper, stuck to the spot. Darkness waits for us outside the door.

"Yes you can Katniss, come on I have something to show you". I shut my eyes as Peeta leads me out into the cool night air. My body is racked with shaky breaths and I cannot bring myself to open my eyes. Images of my first visit to 12 after the bombings flash before my eyes and all I can imagine is charred bones snapping under my feet like leaves.

Finally Peeta stops and beckons me to open my eyes. We are standing in what used to be the old Town Square, I gaze around me and gasp at the transformation. What once was our dull and dusty town, and what more recently was a heap of smouldering ash is alive with colour in the moonlight. The fences into the forest have been torn down and its colour and life has spread to the heart of our old town, what ruins had been left after the clean up are being encroached on by vines and creeping flowers. The soft silence of the night is peppered with the hoots of owls and the chirp of crickets. To our left, where the Hob used to stand is a small campsite of makeshift homes, some of the families who have returned are gathered around open fires roasting game, telling stories and drinking jugs of what I assume to be Ale.

Some of the villagers notice us and tip their jugs at us in recognition. Living in such close quarters with all these people in 13 has thankfully stripped us of the intrigue of our fame and they leave us be. "Come on" Peeta ushers me from the square, "there's something even better". After all of our heavy and morose talk so far I relish in the excitement in Peeta's voice and find myself almost skipping along behind him. He takes me along the familiar path from the square, past where the old shopfronts stood, through the now recovering meadow to the site of my childhood home.

The moment of glee I felt fades into confusion and I bite my lip "what is this?" I ask. All I can see before me is a large rectangular pit with shovels scattered around the side.

Mass Grave.

Peeta has brought me to a mass grave.

Why has he brought me here?

Is his mind still warped,

does he still hate me?

Is this punishment?

I start to panic and my breath leaves me, my head feels light and I turn to run. Peeta must sense the panic in my eyes and plants his hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, grounding me. "Katniss" he says slowly and calmly "breathe for a second and let me explain". I search his eyes for spite and malice but find none, so I stay put.

"This" he says gesturing to the hole in the ground "is the foundations of the Primrose Everdeen Memorial Hospital". The very sound of Prim's name smacks me in the gut and I am left breathless again. Peeta turns to look at the foundations "the volunteers started this a few days ago" he says "I have been bringing them bread for their lunch" he beams as he turns back to me but stops as he notices the silent tears rolling down my cheek.

"I'm sorry Katniss" he says urgently "it's too soon isn't it?", "god I'm so stupid sometimes" he says as he starts a barage of apologetic self depricating rants. To shut him up I take his face in my hands and look straight into his eyes. "No Peeta" I say, tilting my face closer to his "it's perfect".

"Good" he whispers, his lips so close to mine they are almost touching.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

**In this chapter I have included the Lyrics to "Siren Song" by Bat for Lashes, I don't own the rights to this song, just as I don't own the rights to any of the rest of this story! If you haven't heard the song you can find it here watch?v=7zFjunB2HNk **

The moment lingers, both of us afraid to move. My heart begind to sink as I see Peeta's eyes glaze over. He stumbles away from me, hands clutching his head, shaking.

I move towards him and try place my hand on his shoulder to steady him. "DON'T" he shouts "don't touch me". I back away, unsure of what to do, my palms beginning to sweat.

Peeta backs into the trunk of a charred tree and slumps down into a sitting position. I can see him trying to regain his composure, he takes long steady breathes and his shaking begins to subside. I still can't see his eyes, his head rests on his knees further protected by his hands.

I edge my way slowly towards him and kneel down beside him, I place a tentative hand on his shoulder and he stiffens but does not lash out. After a few moments he leans his body slightly into mine and I put my arms around him.

We sit in silence for a few moments but Peeta does not relax further. I do the only thing I can think of to help the situation, I start to sing. The crickets stop chirping in anticipation as I begin, I start to sing a song that has stuck in my head since I first came out of the Hunger Games, an old ballad that is both haunting and beautiful.

"Are you my family?

Can I stay with you a while,

Can I stop off in your bed tonight,

I could make you smile.

In the morning I'll make you breakfast,

In the evening I'll warm the bed,

And I'll always be happy to kiss you,

Promise I'll never get sad.

Till the siren come calling, calling.

It's driving me evil evil.

I was a heart breaker I loved you,

The same way I do,

But I've got so much wickedness and sin.

My name is pearl,

And I'll love you the best way I know how.

My blonde curls slice through your heart,

And the siren come calling,

In the night till the light.

Help you dress yourself up fancy,

Bathe you when you get sore,

I'll be good I think I could.

Be all you would want and more and more,

Be proud when you dazzle the wondrous,

Glitter your eyes for the town,

Tell every last boy that you're my man,

Try not to let you down,

Till the siren come calling, calling,

It's driving me evil, evil,

I was a heart breaker I loved you,

The same way I do

I've got so much wickedness and sin.

My name is pearl

And I'll love you the best way I know how,

My blonde curls slice through your heart,

And the stars are exploding in the night.

It won't be long until you'll be mine,

No it won't be long until you leave"

Tears are freely rolling down my cheeks as I finish and I barely notice Peeta's face turning to look at mine. All is silent as the last note hangs in the air.

Peeta gently takes my trembling hand in his, now steady one. His other hand moves to softly cradle my damp cheek. "That was beautiful Katniss" he whispers "you are so beautiful". Before I have time to think his soft lips are on mine.

**Please Review. Chapter Four should be up shortly**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this chapter is a little bit short, I was in college all day and in work all evening. I promise the next one will be longer, and more juicy :P**

Chapter Four.

I part my lips and allow his tongue to slip between them. I can taste my tears on his tongue. I can taste our grief, our desperation, I can taste the fragility of our grip on reality and the strength of the tether that binds us together.

I can't help but fall into him, I lean my body against his strong and stable warmth. He leans back so he is resting on his elbows, supporting the full weight of my body on his.

We kiss slowly, our tears mingling, on our cheeks. I feel all our unresolved questions being answered in this one kiss.

And then, after what seems like hours of bliss,

He breaks away.

I feel all my confusion and anxiety bubble back up inside me, all I want is his mouth back on mine, to quell my thoughts and spark the fire I can feel burning inside of me. Peeta must notice the look of dismay in my eyes as he chuckles lightly and places a hand on my cheek. "We should head back Katniss, it's getting cold".

In all my fiery feelings for Peeta I had not noticed the sharp change in weather. The temperature has dropped drastically and we crunch through frost as we make our way back to the Victors Village. I feel myself shivver under my light shirt, Peeta notices this and takes off his heavy woolen jumper, placing it around my shoulders.

I unwittingly find myself peeking at Peeta in his undershirt. I can see the outline of his muscles underneath the thin cotton fabric, his toned arms are speckled with paint. I can just about make out the faint outline of a burn scar emerging from the neck of his shirt, licking his collarbone.

I can't help but wonder when exactly the boy with the bread turned into a man, was it during the Hunger Games? Was it during his capture? Was it in these past few weeks since returning from 13?

I am still wondering all these things when we reach the door of my house. I say my house because, well, it has never been my home, and ever since Prim died and mother moved away it has felt as much a prison as any cell in the Capitol, or any underground room in 13.

I open the door and let Peeta in. There is a pot of warm stew left on the stove from Greasy Sae's daily visit (what a shock she must have gotten, finding me out of the house!). We share the stew, finding ourselves as ravenous for food as we were for one another by the tree.

It is almost midnight by the time we are finished eating and I can't help but smile as Peeta leans back in his chair and undoes his belt. "That was a feed and a half" he sighs contentedly. I laugh a little as he rubs his toned stomach as if it were the jolliest beer belly.

"Well" he says with a yawn as he straightens back up in his chair "I better get moving before I fall asleep!".

"What" the frightened sound emerges before I can stop myself.

I can't go back to the restless nights of fear and torment. I can't battle the night without Peeta by my side. "You can't go".

Peeta must recognise the terror in my voice and moves to take me in his arms. "Hey, hey" he says soothingly as he tries to stop my body trembling with his embrace. "I'm just going to get some night clothes, I will be back in a few minutes".

"No" I say firmly.

"No?" he asks chuckling. "What do you mean no?"

"I mean no, you don't need them, I don't want you gone for even a moment" I say, instantaniously regretting the needyness in my voice.

"I mean" I say trying to regain my composure "I'm sure there is something here you can borrow" I say as offhandly as possible.

"Ok" says Peeta, obviously amused "if you say so".

He takes my perpetually cold hand in his ever warm one, once again soothing my shakes (this time of embarassment!). "Let's go to bed then" he says, leading me up the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five.

I leave Peeta at the top of the stairs. "I am going to try and find you something to wear, I will be back in a minute" I say. We stand there for a silent moment my hand lingers in his and I am reluctant to let go of it, Peeta must sense this and gives it a reassuring squeeze before slipping from my grip.

Once alone I realise that I really don't have anything for Peeta to wear. I try and rack my brains and pace the hallway for a few moments.

Suddenly a light turns on in my brain and I rush into Prim's old room.

My feet sweep cyclones of dust into the air as I make my way across the floor towards the large wooden dresser Peeta painted for her. I sit myself down cross-legged in front of it and my fingers gently trace the outline of the delicate flowers and elegant birds that grace the varnished top.

I can't help but smile as I remember Prim's face when Peeta gave her the dresser for her birthday, a few days after we moved into the new house. She squeeled in delight and beamed from ear to ear. Back then, before I got my first monthly cheque for winning our first Hunger Games we were still so poor she had nothing to put in the drawers, but now they are full with pretty silk dresses and soft cotton jumpers, now it is me that is empty.

I open the bottom drawer and baske in the faint smell of Prim that wafts from the neatly folded garments within. I lift the first item- a plain green cotton dress with the silhouette of a small cat embroidered on the breast pocket- and hold it up against my cheek. I can smell Prim's scent on the fabric, a mixture of soap and flowers with the faintest aroma of goats milk. A strange feeling of comfort and sadness spreads through me as I sit surrounded by Prim's things. I close my eyes for a few moments and try conjure her up from memory. I saw Prim so little over the last few months of her life that it is hard to remember everything correctly but I remember the important things, her smile, the kindness in her eyes, the small scar on her knee from when Lady accidently kicked her.

I sit in silence for a few moments, trying to piece together every aspect of my sister before the sound of the door creaking open behind me scatters my thoughts. "Are you ok?" Peeta whispers from the doorway "You've been in here almost an hour". I wipe a rogue tear from my cheek and pull an item from the bottom of the drawer before turning to face Peeta.

"Yes I'm fine, I was just looking for this" I say, standing up.

"What is _that?_" Peeta asks with a mix of surprise and disgust.

"_This_ is my first and anly attempt at knitting" I reply with a grin on my face.

"It's..it's lovely Katniss" Peeta says taking the long brown badly knitted jumper from my hands.

"No it isn't!" I say with a chuckle "but it will keep you warm tonight".

"I will leave you to get changed" I say, almost unable to control my laughter "follow me in".

I head back to my bedroom, change into my long cotton night dress and climb under the covers. I sit for a few moments with my eyes peeled on the door waiting in utmost anticipation.

When the door opens I cannot keep a straight face and burst into tears of laughter. The jumper hangs unevenly off Peeta's shoulders and just about reaches his knees in an a-symetrical zigzag of uneven stitches, he cannot keep still as the rough wool itches at his skin.

"You think this is funny do you?" he laughs and lunges at me on the bed pinning me beneath him "yes" I squeel from beneath him "oh god yes!" I say with tears of laughter in my eyes. Peeta starts to tickle me and I can't help but snort with laughter. He alternates between tickling me and scratching at the jumper as I wiggle beneath him.

"That's it" Peeta says sitting up abruptly "I can't wear this Katniss". He pulls the jumper over his head, leaving him in just his woven boxer shorts. I pull myself up into a sitting position so that we are eye to eye and try to catch my breath. Peeta's hair is ruffled from taking the jumper off and his face is flushed from laughter. His hair and the expression on his face are that of a boy, the Boy with the Bread, but his body is that of a man's, more specifically that of a man who has been through a war. The skin on the left hand side of his chest is a mottled pink from a burn, and his toned abdomen is pitted with smaller white scars.

I can't help but run my fingertips over the smooth scarred skin above his heart. Peeta takes my hand in his and when I look back up the expression on his face has changed, his piercing blue eyes look directly into mine. I find myself almost in a trance, brought on by both the sight of his body and the intensity of his gaze and almost magnetically my mouth finds his.

**OK we are getting to the good stuff next chapter! I am sorry it has taken so long but I really wanted a natural progression! I hope you don't mind! Don't worry though you will get your smut tomorrow :P**


	6. Chapter 6 M

Chapter 6.

We kiss slowly, very softly at first. Our lips barely touching as we baske in the intensity of the closeness of our bodies.

I move my lips to explore the contours of his face, I pepper light kisses along the line of his strong jaw, up towards his ear, over his closed eyelids-his long lashes tickling the skin beneath my lips. As I memorise his profile with my lips his fingers dance up the bare skin of my arms sending waves of desire through me.

When my lips finally meet his again they part and our tongues dance to the beat of our thumping hearts. I can feel my body burn and my face flush as new feelings...lustful feelings take over my mind. The heat, the fire consumes me, I can hardly breathe in the combined heat of our bodies.

My hands roam the smooth, taut, scarred skin of Peeta's torso, but his stay firmly on my arms. I can tell he is holding back and there is nothing I want more in this moment then his calming hands on my burning skin. I move slightly away from Peeta, breaking our kiss and our embrace. I move into a kneeling position that matches his and I hike my long nightdress up so that it rests just below my hips. Then I shuffle closer to him so that our torsos are almost touching again, he looks at me slightly puzzled before I take his hands and place them underneath my dress, just above my hips.

Peeta's eyes grow wide as saucers and I answer the question in his eye with a slow kiss on his lips. His hands stay still for but a moment before straying from my hips. His hands then move to work their way along my sides, moulding and kneading me like dough, turning me to putty in his hands. His hands graze my breasts, accidentaly, and he startles for a second. I kiss him harder, a wordless gesture of permission to let him know my body is his to roam.

In this new sitting position I can feel Peeta's physical excitement pressing against my inner thigh. I curiously move my hands from his chest towards this new beacon of curiosity. Peeta feels my hands moving south and startles for a second, he breaks our kiss and looks at me with his deep blue eyes. He opens his mouth to speak but I shut it with my own. I don't want words to complicate this moment, I don't trust words..not his but my own, and I don't want anything to quench this burning moment.

As my tongue answers questions that my voice can't my hand moves further south down Peeta's torso. As my fingers play with his waistband I realise I don't actually know what to do. I finally submit to words and whisper softly in Peeta's ear "will..will you show me what to do?". Peeta's face grows redder and he looks like he is about to combust from embarassment.

I knew I would ruin it with words and I can feel awkwardness creep like fog between us with every silent second. "Can I see you first?" Peeta asks, almost sheepishly and I realise how selfish I must seem, still fully clothed with so much of Peeta on show for my eyes.

I nod silently as I move slightly back from him. His hands are still resting on my waist as I remove my night gown. His face is blocked from mine as I remove the garment over my head and when it returns to view his face is full of awe. His eyes are wide as saucers again and I suddenly feel self conscious. I move my arms to cover my breasts and turn my face away, avoiding his gaze.

"Hey" he says gently, taking my face in his hands and turning it back towards his. "You are beautiful Katniss". I can't handle the intensity of his gaze for long before crumbling into him. Our bodies are flush now as we embrace in the soft kiss of skin. We stay like this for a few moments basking in the soft warmth of one anothers skin, Peeta places a small kiss upon the tip of my nose, making my giggle and banishing any sense of awkwardness or self consciousness from the moment, leaving only love in its place.

"Look" I say to Peeta, my surprise breaking the heavy silence "we match" I say pointing my gaze down towards our conjoined bodies. Peeta gives a small smile as he notices my findings- the pink burn covering his left peck blends almost seamlessly into the burn scar covering my entire left breast.

Our burned hearts beat for one another as Peeta lays me back gently onto the bed, laying light kisses along my neck and collarbones as he does so. As his lips make his way back to mine his hands find their way to my chest. I gasp as he starts to gently massage my breasts, his thumbs running over the sensitive buds of my nipples, sending waves of pleasure straight down my centre.

I can barely think, completely overwhelmed by pleasure as his mouth leaves mine and makes its way back down my neck, peppering kisses over my scarred heart, before taking my left nipple in his mouth.

A groan of pleasure escapes my mouth as he tongue swirls, his mouth gently suckles and his teeth gently graze. His left hand continues to massage my right breast as I squirm and buck and melt under his touch. I barely notice his hand leave my breast only to startle when it reappears lightly on my cotton panties. I take a sharp intake of breath as Peeta slides the cotton fringe of my underwear aside with one finger leaving me fully exposed.

I gasp at the feeling of cool air on my molten skin and begin to whimper in pleasure as Peeta runs a finger along the length of my exposed pink folds gathering the moisture pooling there. I have never felt pleasure, or joy, or love like this very moment. I grasp Peeta's face and bring it up to mine and hungrily place my lips upon his. At the very moment our lips touch Peeta slips a finger inside me.

I gasp. I wimper. I moan into his mouth as his finger starts to move within me. I start to writhe beneath him, my body bucking to meet his touch, uncontrolable in my quest for pleasure, an unquenchable fire burning within me.

When he slips a second finger in I see stars.

His thumb starts to rub a sensitive bud at the top of my opening and can't help but scream in pleasure. "Peeta" I cry in joy, in serenity, in pleasure, in hope. He keeps touching me, moulding me when suddenly something bursts inside me, a great release of pressure and I start to shudder as waves of the purest, deepest pleasure I have ever experienced washes over me. Peeta's mouth is back on my breast as I buck and cry beneath him. And when it's all over he holds me steady in his arms, calming my quaking core and tethering me back down to earth.

**Peeta's turn next chapter so stay tuned xx**


	7. Chapter 7 M

Chapter Seven

I lay there panting for a while, not fully understanding what has just happened to my body as Peeta lays beside me and softly traces patterns on my stomach with his finger. I tilt my body towards him and intertwine my legs with his. The cold surface of his prosthetic leg cools my flushed skin and snaps me out of the hazy trance I have fallen into. "It's your turn now" I think silently, a wry smile playing on my lips.

Although the prospect of what is before me frightens me to my core I know that I want Peeta to feel the same pleasure he gave me and more than anything I know that I don't want to be as selfish a lover as I was a love interest.

I look down at Peeta's body, it is a paradox, it is scarred and beaten and broken, a whole chunk of it missing below the knee, but also, and more importantly, it is young, alive, strong- so very strong, and full of hope and love.

"What are you smirking at?" Peeta says, planting a small kiss on my nose. I don't answer him but rather let my smile grow wider as I push him over playfully, so that he is flat on his back, and throw my leg over him so I am straddling his torso. The pleasure Peeta gave me has energised me, and filled me with a confidence I have never had before. I sit on top of him, fully exposed but I do not feel embarassed, there is no room for shame in these acts of healing and love.

Peeta pushes himself up so that his body is aligned with mine once more and I am essentially sitting on his lap. I scoot closer to him so that the only thing seperating us is the strained tent of his erection in his boxer shorts. He lets out an involuntary moan as my body presses up against his member, the noise lights a fire inside me and I can't stop myself from planting my mouth on his. After a few moments of kissing hungrily I pull away. I do not want to get distracted by my own pleasure-and I can easily see myself getting lost in Peeta's roaming hands and talented tongue, so I push Peeta down so he is once more flat on his back.

I start at his neck and gently kiss my way down his body, he moans softly as gently nip the skin above his collarbone. My mouth trails further south, down his mottled chest towards the flat plain of his stomach. I can feel the taut muscles beneath his skin move as he breathes and they tighten as I slowly make my way towards his waist band.

My fingers dance through a trail of hair on his abdomen that I am surprised to find is much darker than the rest of his hair. As my hands grasp the rim of his boxers I find them covered by Peeta's. I look up at him and his eyes are full of concern "Katniss.." he starts before I cut him off. "Peeta Mellark" I say firmly "don't you even start" I say with a smile, and I quickly move back up his body to plant a kiss on his lips before returning to my position by his hips.

I take a deep breath and slowly remove his shorts, I am surprised as his erection springs up to meet me. I gasp at the size, it is thick and about 8 inches long. I look up at Peeta and his face is turned away and red with embarassment. I want to show him that I am not afraid, and that I want to do this. I slowly lean forward and plant a small kiss on the velvety pink head.

Peeta's eyes shoot open and he springs up onto his elbows but as I take the head slowly into my mouth he crumbles and sinks back down to the bed. I relish in his moans of pleasure as my tongue explores his manhood. I lick from the base to the tip, pausing there as it has the most effect of him, and I swirl my tongue around the head tasting the saltyness of his skin, before licking back down the shaft.

Peeta squirms and sighs and moans beneath me and it envigorates me, excites me even.

I remove my mouth from him and replace it with my hand. I mimic the action of my tongue with my hand and move it up and down the length of him. After a moment Peeta places a hand on mine, guiding me from the strength of my grip to the pace of my movement. He sits up so that once again we are facing eachother and I kneel beside him in order to get a better grip. We kiss as he moves my hand faster and faster upon him. His breath starts to come in short shuddery bursts and he can't concentrate on our kiss so I move my lips to his neck and ear and he moans in response to my actions.

Peeta's whole body tenses beneath me and each racked breath is released as a moan or a grunt of pleasure. He moves my hand even faster beneath his and I can feel his member tighten even further in my hand. Suddenly Peeta lets out an earth shattering grunt and I feel him explode in my hand. He removes his hand from mine and I slow down my movements but I do not stop, I want to extend his moment of pleasure for as long as possible.

After a few moments I remove my hand from him and wipe the slickness from it onto my abandoned night gown. Peeta is back laying on his back, panting heavily. I climb up on him and lay on his chest, and his arms encompass me as I listen to his breathing slowly return to normal.

We lay like this until the soft light of morning dances through the shutters, illuminating our naked bodies in the light of a brand new day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry this has taken me so long to update, I have been working every night after college for the past two weeks! I promise I will update sooner next time. Please review it definitely gives me an incentive to keep going :)**

I lay on Peeta's chest until the soft light of morning dances across out bare chests. I did not sleep at all during the night so no demons have followed me from the land of sleep, yet still I am afraid to move. For once it is not shadowy monsters that keep me frozen in place, it is uncertainty.

There are still moments when Peeta hates me, fears me even, when his eyes cloud over and his body starts to shake.

I don't know how to reconcile that violent and broken Peeta with the man in whose arms I rest.

My mind is rife with uncertainty and I am so jittery that I am unable to lie still for much longer. I roll slightly to the left so that I now lay flat beside Peeta's warm torso. Just like his bread oven he always radiates heat and light, the feeling of his warm core beside me quietens my nerves somewhat. He shifts slightly to reposition himself but does not wake.

I can't tear my eyes away from him, he looks so peaceful; his blond curls are ruffled and have fallen to cover his closed eyes and his cheeks are slightly ruddy with the warmth of sleep.

Even this blissful moment of watching my new lover sleep, is tainted by the horror, the violence, the fear, all laying momentarily dormant in the darkness of his mind.

Do not get me wrong. I do not fear him; I am just afraid that we are both too broken to help fix one another, that I will do him more damage than good, that I have always done him more damage than good.

Too long has passed since either of us has been violated by violent dreams and I know that it will not be long before one of us falls victim to the horrors of our own minds. I cannot shake this from my thoughts and my body and mind stay tense until Peeta is delivered to me from the uncertainty of sleep.

He wakes with a smile that melts my heart and chases all my negative thoughts away.

"Good morning" he mumbles as he pulls my close to him and plants a small kiss on my head. "I thought last night was a dream" he adds with a small laugh of disbelief.

"Mhmm" I murmur in agreement, unable, as always, to vocalise my feelings.

"I never in my wildest dreams ever thought something like that would actually happen between us, I mean I fantasised about it sure, but..." I cut Peeta off with a firm kiss on the lips. I have to stop the gushing onslaught of love and admiration flowing from Peeta's mouth. I feel so undeserving that the well-meant sentiments make my skin crawl.

I look Peeta square in the eye as I pull my lips away from the sweetness and warmth of his. "I do not deserve you Peeta Mellark" I say, my mouth hovering millimetres away from his.

He looks at me with a mix of confusion and sadness and holds my hips firm stopping me from moving away from him. He opens his mouth and is about to say something suddenly the doorknob begins to rattle. I manage to roll of Peeta and shuffle under the covers just as Greasy Sae opens the door with a racking cough.

Sae's cough quickly turns to a booming laugh and I can hear her struggle to catch her breath as she closes the door and hobbles back down the stairs. As soon as I hear the door close I pop my head up from beneath the blanket. Peeta's face is as red as a summer beet and I cannot help but laugh as I realise in my bid for cover I had pulled all the covers from him.

He stays still stunned for a few moments, his hands covering his manhood, his face still burning a fiery red. "Oh I'm sorry Peeta" I say and his face slowly turns to mine. I cannot help but laugh at the slightly traumatised puppy look plastered on his face.

"Greasy Sae…saw me naked" he says and I can't breathe I am laughing so much "well I'm sure she liked what she saw" I splutter through my tears of laughter. Peeta stays looking extremely serious which adds to the hilarity "she winked at me Katniss…she winked at me".

Peeta suddenly snaps out of his surprised stupor and turns his body to face mine "do you think this is funny" he says with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Yes" I squeal as I cover myself once more with the covers in protection from the onslaught of tickles that I know await me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for sticking with me guys! I'm hoping my next update will be less than a week away this time! This chapter features the lyrics from Sufjan Steven's "To be alone with you" give it a google if you don't already know it :) also please review, I'm open to any criticisms or suggestions that you have **

Peeta pins me to the bed by my shoulders and I squirm beneath him still unable to control my laughter. As I look up into Peeta's piercing blue eyes I am startled by the sudden change in his expression, his sky blue eyes grow grey and cloudy and my shoulders start to ache as he presses more and more of his weight upon me.

I am trapped beneath his weighty trunk, frozen with fear as his body starts to shake violently above me. Peeta's hands close into fists around the curvature of my shoulders, his nails digging deep into my skin. I involuntarily cry out in pain as I feel blood start to trickle from the taught and tender scar beneath his left hand.

I try remain still and silent, hoping that the episode will end soon but I cannot help but scream when I feel his fingers dig further into my now open skin. The pain sparks flashbacks of when Johanna dug the tracker out of me in the woods, the vivid memory clouds my mind and I start to feel queasy.

I black out just as I hear the bedroom door swinging open.

I awake to an empty bed and a blinding headache. I am in a fresh cotton nightie and I can feel the compression of a bandage on my tender shoulder. I glance at the bedside table through hazy eyes; a glass of water and two large blue pain pills lay just out of arms reach. I stare at the trio willing them to move towards me. I stare until my eyes sting and start to water but of course they remain still.

After a few more moments of intent staring I begin to move. I prop myself up onto my elbows, groaning at the ache above my right shoulder blade. I knock back the pills and wince as they scratch my raw throat on the way down. I slip the night dress from my stiff shoulder and peer at the small bandage that is revealed. I peel the sticky bandage from my skin and gaze at the four small rips in my flesh, each one held closed by a solitary stitch. I sigh softly as I replace the bandage, four more scars to add to the countless others that adorn my damaged body.

Sae appears silently in the doorway with a bowl of steaming soup. She places the bowl on the locker and replaces the blue pills I had taken with two purple ones from her pocket. "These are stronger" she says with a wink as she turns to leave the room. "Where is he?" I croak the words escaping in a raspy breath. "I sent him home" she says simply as she hobbles out of the door shutting it firmly behind her.

I ignore the soup but take the pills, relishing the feeling of the low dose of morphling as it courses through my tender veins. The pills make me drowsy but I fight them to stay awake, knowing that the morphling will send me comforting hallucinations, usually of Prim or my father. Johanna taught me about this joyous side effect before she went cold turkey back in 13. Abusing morphling was the only way she could remember the loved ones Snow stole from her.

I have been careful not to grow dependant on the substance and I have avoided morphling since returning to 12, but tonight I relish the prospect of the mental and physical relief.

Sure enough Prim does come, a younger Prim than the one that left me that fateful day in the Capitol. She dances into the room holding fathers hand. Father sits down on the chair in the corner as Prim climbs into bed beside me. They are silent, as they always are, but their presence fills me with a serenity that warms my hardened core.

As I finally succumb to the siren of sleep a shimmering mirage of Peeta enters my visions. He limps across the room, his golden hair sparkling like fireflies and replaces the similarly glowing image of my father in the rocking chair. A soft melody and an almost inaudible voice lulls me in to the final depths of sleep and the sound of angel's wafts in and out of my vivid dreams.

!I'd swim across Lake Michigan  
I'd sell my shoes  
I'd give my body to be back again  
In the rest of the room  
To be alone with you  
To be alone with you  
To be alone with you  
To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely  
They took your clothes  
You gave up a wife and a family  
You gave your ghost  
To be alone with me  
To be alone with me  
To be alone with me  
You went up on a tree

To be alone with me  
You went up on a tree

I've never known a man who loved me"


	10. Chapter 10

**I know this is a very short chapter, I just wanted to post it to let you know I haven't forgotten about you guys! The next chapter will be long and juicy and hopefully will be posted within the next two days. As always reviews are appreciated :) **

When I awake again the room is empty, my head is hazy and my previously throbbing pains have faded to dull aches. There is a fresh bowl of stew and a warm cheese bun by my bedside, I suddenly find myself ravenous and eat it all greedily. Once my hunger has been satiated I drag myself out of bed and make my way towards the bathroom to shower. Just as I am about to get undressed the doorbell rings. "Peeta" my mind screams internally, in my drug induced haze I had almost forgotten all about him.

"Peeta" I yell excitedly as I run down the stairs, almost tripping over my long nightgown. I open the door ready to throw myself into Peeta's but instead find myself face to face with Haymitch. "Hello Sweetheart" he says pushing by me and stumbling straight towards the kitchen. He stops just as he passes by me and sniffs audibly "you don't smell the freshest Peaches" he says as he grabs an apple from my fruit bowl. "Well neither do you" I snap back, it's true; his usual stench of alcohol is much stronger than usual. "Touchè" he says as he takes a seat at the kitchen table. "Are you not going to offer your guest a drink?" he says while taking a bite out of the apple and propping his feet up on the table "it's only polite".

"Why are you here Haymitch?" I ask curtly, I have very little time for Haymitch when he is drunk. "Well" he starts his voice slurring over his words "me and your loverboy were drinking away our sorrows and he couldn't keep up, so when he passed out I thought you might need help drinking away _your _sorrows". "Peeta has been drinking?" I ask in disbelief, Peeta has seen the effects of alcohol first hand with Haymitch, I can't believe he would take solace in a bottle. "Mmmhmm" Haymitch mumbles affirmatively as he gets up and starts to rummage in my presses "three days we've been at it" he says with a hiccup "it has been more of a pity party than a party party but that's ok I'll take any kind of party" he rambles as he takes a long glass bottle from a shelf and pops the cork with his teeth.

Haymitch takes a long swig from the bottle before erupting into a fitting cough "what is this?!" he splutters, glancing at the label. "it's apple cider VINEGAR Haymitch, apple cider vinegar" I say as I whip the bottle from his hand. I place the bottle back in the medicine press and shut the door firmly. "Where is he?" I ask, turning to face Haymitch. "Loverboy?" he says with a sneer "where do you think he is, he's almost as much of a hermit as we are sweetheart". With that I turn and race out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Once again I want to thank everyone for sticking with me! This chapter includes the song "Dogwood Blossom" by Fionn Regan, please youtube it if you don't know it, the lyrics don't mean half as much without the context of the music! Also I just want to let you know the next chapter will have some smut because I know that's what a lot of you want :P **

As I race out my front door I almost stumble over my nightgown again so I stop and rip one side up to my knee giving me more freedom to run. Snow is falling and my bare feet are numb by the time I reach Peeta's door.

As I stand in the darkened door way it dawns on me that I have no concept of the time, I cannot tell if the starless sky is that of the dead of night or just before dawn. I also have no idea what day it is, Haymitch mentioned that his bender with Peeta had lasted three days, but surely I was asleep for only one? My head spins as I try to get my bearings and I begin to feel quite dizzy. I lean my hand against the door for support and find that it is ajar.

Tentatively I step inside. The warm house that greeted me a few days earlier is bathed in shadows. The floor is sticky beneath my feet and the smell of booze and vomit catches in my throat. "Peeta" I whisper his name pleadingly into the darkness.

Silence.

I follow a trail of broken glass that leads from the hallway to the sitting room. Here I find Peeta splayed out across his couch. He is dishevelled; his clothes are dirty and his hair is damp and matted against his forehead. His head is lolling uncomfortably off the armrest as he groans and fidgets in a restless slumber. As I move closer to him I notice his right hand is wrapped in a dirty and bloodied bandage. My heart aches at the sight of him like this.

I kneel beside him and gently push his matted hair from his ruddy face. He murmurs in his sleep but does not wake. "Peeta" I say a little more firmly and finally he stirs. As soon as he opens his eyes I know that he is in no state to talk, they are bloodshot and unfocused. "Come on" I say while lifting his head so that he is in a sitting position, "let's get you cleaned up and into bed", he grunts in response but I am pretty sure he isn't comprehending a word I say. I manage to manoeuvre him off the couch and up the stairs. Once we reach the bathroom at the top of the stairs I place him on the toilet seat and catch my breath. The second I sit him down he falls asleep again, his head banging back against the wall behind him.

I sigh and try and gather my thoughts. My immediate concern is his dirty bandage as I know how dangerous an infected wound can be. I look around the bathroom for a medicine cabinet but cannot find one so I resort to using my rudimentary first aid skills. I fill the sink with hot water and rip the arms from my nightgown tearing them into four long strips. I place two in the water and leave the other two hanging on the empty towel rail.

I kneel down in front of Peeta and gingerly remove the dirty bandage from his hand. His knuckles are red raw and still bleeding underneath and I wince at the sight of the fresh blood. I take one of the wet fabric strips from the sink and carefully clean his wound. I can see tiny shard of glass lodged in his open wounds and I begin to work on removing them. The process takes about a half an hour before I am happy that the wound is clean and free of debris.

Once finished I wrap his hand up with a clean fabric strip and get to work on cleaning the rest of him. I use the other wet strip to clean the dirt from his face and neck before beginning to remove his clothes. His t-shirt is damp with sweat and alcohol and it sticks to his skin as I gently pull it over his head. I cannot help but admire the strength of his arms and the tautness of his chest as I wipe the dirt away from his torso and I find myself involuntarily blushing as my hand lingers on his abdomen.

I contemplate removing his trousers before putting him to bed but decide that it would be far too awkward a task to accomplish with Peeta in such a state. With some verbal and physical persuasion I lead Peeta to his bed and he slides beneath his sheets. Once he is lying down I slide his trousers off leaving him just in his under shorts.

I climb unto the bed beside him and wrap my body around his from behind. His body is shaking now and his mumbles become pained and erratic. I slowly stroke his hair and shush him soothingly. As his body calms under the touch of mine I am reminded of a song.

When Haymitch was going through the worst of his temporary detox in 13 he was racked with uncontrollable fits that no injection or pill could help subside, when Haymitch was fitting my mother used to sit by his bedside and hold his hand tight in hers in a wordless gesture of support. Once while passing the infirmary I heard mother sing a soothing song quietly into Haymitch's ear during one such vigil. My mother never had a strong singing voice but the sweetness of the melody and the power of the lyrics made up for her lack of talent.

I know that Peeta is not detoxing but rather the poisonous qualities of the alcohol in his system are enhancing the torment of his usually anguished slumber but as I begin to sing my mother's impromptu song Peeta's shakes begin to lessen and his breathing begins to regulate.

"You keep climbing into my head without knockin'  
and you fix yourself there like a map pin  
on this ghost of this street where i'm livin'  
i'm in a chrysalis and i'm snowed in

darling, darling that dam's gonna give  
it's inevitable the way that you live  
bottles in brown paper and a mouth that slurs  
all the shit that it stirs  
let that dogwood blossom

there'll be hell to pay in heaven  
for you take every street home

what happens when you're into deep to break  
loneliness keeps you constantly awake  
what happens when the passage of time appears  
you see yourself as a child and it brings you to tears

you say that you're troubled and you always have been  
uncomfortable in your own skin  
so you contemplate the riverbed  
turn off the dark thoughts in your head

darling, darling that dam's gonna give  
it's inevitable the way that you live  
bottles in brown paper and a mouth that slurs  
all the shit that it stirs  
let that dogwood blossom

there'll be hell to pay in heaven  
for you take every street home"

My eyes flutter shut as the last note escapes my mouth and I embrace the numbness of sleep.


	12. Chapter 12 (M)

I awake in the early morning to find the bed empty and cold around me. I sit up and look around the dim room for Peeta. I can't imagine he is in a good state considering the state he was in last night. I call his name as I search the upper floor but he does not answer, when I finally find him he is sitting silently at the kitchen table, his head resting on his bandaged hands. His feet are cut up from walking across the glass still splayed all over the hall floor.

"Peeta?" I whisper as I creep closer, "are you feeling ok, would you like me to get you some water?" His body stiffens at the sound of my voice but he does not answer. I stand there for a few moments in silence waiting for an answer before giving up and walking towards the counter. I light on the stove; place a kettle of water upon it and take a seat opposite Peeta to wait for the water to boil. As I take my seat Peeta starts to mumble into his hands. I strain my ears to decipher what he is saying but to no avail; his mumbling becomes louder but no clearer as the kettle begins to whistle. As I move to take the kettle off the stove he raises his head and shouts clear as day "JUST LEAVE KATNISS".

I almost drop the kettle from my hands at the ferocity of his outburst. His eyes are raw red as he stares at me intently. "I'm just trying to help Peeta" I say, trying to remain calm. I know sometimes he cannot control his outbursts and that there is a part of him that still fears me, hates me even. "I don't need your help, I need you to leave" he says gruffly, his words scratching against his throat as he spits them out.

I can feel an angry fire begin to burn within me as my patience runs thin. I try to stay calm as I turn to answer him "you don't need to be afraid of me Peeta" I say simply "I thought we were working through this" I add quietly placing the kettle down on the counter.

"I'm not afraid of you Katniss" Peeta says, his voice softening a little "but you should be afraid of me" he says as he slowly gets up from the table and leaves the room. I stand there dumbfounded as I watch Peeta stroll back across the glass in the hallway and bound up the stairs leaving the faint imprints of bloody footprints in his wake.

I race up the stair after him, sidestepping the glass and blood. I find Peeta sitting at the end of his bed rubbing his temples with the palms of his hands. Instead of heading into the bedroom I turn and go back down the stairs. I make him a tea of white willow bark and passionflower and head back upstairs with a mug of the soothing mixture. I kneel beneath his crouched frame and search for his eyes with mine, when they meet mine they are full to the brim with guilt and pain.

I move my hands up to cover his and remove them from the side of his head. "Here drink this" I say softly while placing the mug in his hands "it will help". "Thanks" he mumbles, averting his gaze from mine. As he takes slow sips of the hot liquid I shuffle closer to him and tentatively lay my head against his lap. Peeta sighs under my touch but does not flinch. I sit silently as Peeta finishes his drink afraid to move in case I shatter the fragile tender silence that fills the room. After what seems like a half hour Peeta gently places his hand on my head and begins to softly brush my hair with his finger-tips. "I'm not afraid of you" I whisper cracking the silence like a pane of glass. His fingers stop working through my hair and he sighs "I think you should be". I turn to face him and state earnestly "well I'm not, and I never will be". He shakes his head away from my gaze "but what if I can't stop hurting you?" he whispers with fear in his voice. "You will" I say firmly "I won't let Snow live in your head forever".

I raise myself up on my knees so our eyes are almost level. "We'll get through this" I say, taking his hands in mine. His gaze remains averted. "Look at me" I plead but he does not. I move my face close to his and whisper in his ear "I am not afraid" I say placing a kiss on his jawline just below his ear "I am not afraid" I repeat myself as I begin to pepper his face with light kisses. As my lips near his he takes my face in his hands and hungrily plants his mouth on mine. I match the passion of his kiss with the fire of my own as I rise and press my body against his. Peeta leans back on the bed resting on his elbows, to keep our kiss intact my body follows his onto the bed and I swing a leg over his to straddle him.

I run my hands through his messy blonde curls as his mouth leaves mine and works its way from the lobe of my ear to the base of my neck. I moan beneath the feeling of his tongue lapping up my skin like milk. I slip the loose sleeves of my night dress from my shoulders bearing more flesh for Peeta to explore, and he does, moving his way south towards my newly exposed breasts. He kisses his way across my left breast before stopping as he reaches my nipple, his tongue swirls around the erect nub before he hungrily sucks it into his warm mouth. I shudder and moan beneath his touch my moans intensifying as his left hand covers my right breast. His fingers move to pinch and roll my right nipple as his teeth tease my left.

**AAAAAND I HAVE TO LEAVE IT THERE FOLKS. I HAVE AN ESSAY DUE IN THE MORNING THAT I HAVE YET TO START. I PROMISE I'LL HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER UP IN THE NEXT 2/3 DAYS. THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW XX**


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